RELATIONSHIPS

Q: My husband and I are considering separating. How do we tell our son, who is 10, and our daughter, who is 6? 

A: First of all, both you and your husband need to be clear with each other that the children’s emotional and physical needs come above yours. For the children, it is painful but much less traumatic to see that their mom and dad are in unity because a relationship doesn’t work for them than to have two parents who argue and put the children in a torn situation. 

I’m finding that your oldest is going to need more assurance from his father (for instance,  that he will be seeing him on weekends, etc.) because his needs are for specific information, with nothing left assumed. Your son feels needs but rarely expresses them, so giving him assurance of Dad’s continuing contact is very important. Also, he needs to hear from Dad that this is not about him, since he takes on responsibility -- more so than your other child.

Your daughter, on the other hand, resonates deeper with you the Mom, and she will try to protect you from any pain you are experiencing from this situation.  It’s your job to reassure her you are and will be okay and so will she. Teaching her that emotions are natural to express and to speak up for what she wants and how she feels during this process is important to her future relationships. She may also pull back somewhat from her father, so letting her know that her time spent with her father is not hurting you and that loving her Dad is fine with you will set her at ease. One of the most damaging things a parent can do to a child is to force a division between the other parent and the children.

PHYSICAL

Q: I have been having digestive problems recently with a lot of burping and discomfort after eating. What is it coming from, and is there anything I can do about it?

A- This is a tendency toward hiatal hernia in which the stomach doesn’t relax during the digestive process. This can be caused by stress, especially during meals, and by the position in which you’re eating -- in a cramped or bent-over position instead of with a straighter posture with your back straight. Your symptoms are presenting as both a stomach and gall bladder influence. Eating small meals instead of anything heavy is very important to the digestive process for those experiencing a hiatal tendency. Also, twenty minutes following a meal, you can put a cold cloth or wrapped ice pack under the left rib, right over the stomach, and leave it there for 10 to 15 minutes or until the pain subsides.

The gall bladder is the more likely organ creating the gas. Taking chlorophyll (a half teaspoon in eight ounces of water twice a day) as well as a good digestive aid containing bromelain and pancreatic enzymes (one tablet with each meal) should relieve the symptoms. Stay away from fried or greasy foods, cheese, dairy, onions, cucumber and broccoli for the next four or five days. Use only steamed vegetables, and drink about 40 ounces of water a day. If there continues to be more discomfort or this turns into extreme pain, do not hesitate to call the doctor.

SPIRITUAL

Q: I would like to know the past connections between my 11-year-old daughter and myself. We have always had difficulty in understanding each other and she seems so angry with me, but I don’t know why.

A: In looking at your dynamics, did something happen to her when she was age 3?

Q: Yes. I went back to work. We needed the money, and my husband was only working part-time.

A: That age was the first time in this lifetime that she felt abandoned by you, and she still carries an element of mistrust in you that you would do that again. Also, I see another lifetime where again you were a mother to her, but she in that lifetime was a boy. You gave this child up at birth because of a community or family issue. She will carry this memory unconsciously this life until you clear that past life. I also see that his life after you left him was not happy; he basically grew up poor and unloved. It seems like he was put in an orphanage before being put out to work, probably at the age of 9 or 10. This can make your daughter, through that past experience, be unsure of her future and it can create a fear of abandonment.

There are several ways to move this past energy out of the way. If you are visual, picture that lifetime as clearly as you can. Talk to that boy baby as if there is a consciousness that can understand and feel why you made the decision you did. Hold him, give him love and let him know by heart-felt expression the sorrow you feel for where life took him. If there is anything you could say in relation to doing it differently, offer that also. Take accountability for your actions and ask for understanding or forgiveness, whichever feels more appropriate to you.  If the visual does not seem to be possible for you, I suggest writing a letter in the same manner and than burning it as a symbol of completion.  By releasing that past and using compassion with her now for how she holds you responsible for leaving her, you will stop reacting to her anger and will love her in a different way. She then has the choice to change her energy and match yours. Otherwise, she will in some way be trapped into an old subconscious pattern that she doesn’t need this lifetime.